At first I called it hope. Hope that “we will get this done quickly”. Hope that “I will finally be pain free”. Hope that “today will be the day they call me”. Hope that “we will hear back soon”. Hope that “I won’t be in pain for long”. But now its nothing more than wishful thinking.
“I wish they would call me back”, “I wish I could get this over with”, “I wish we could move things along quickly”.
I’m a few days away from the year mark. The point that a year ago I was absolutely positive we would not get to and at the same time I was weeks away from my hip surgery.
How can I just go along each day and act like this isn’t on my mind 24/7, because it is. Each passing day it gets worse. I know one day I will be able to put this all behind me and know I will get through it, but at the moment its hard and there’s absolutely no denying that fact.
I wake up every day wishing that by the time I lay down again that night that I’ll get the call I’ve been desperately been waiting for and so far each night I’ve been disappointed.