This time last year I was worrying about whether or not I would be having my hip surgery soon. There were so many set backs that it all became overwhelming as to when surgery would actually happen.
Finally surgery date was set and I thought I was in the clear only to have other set backs come up. Set backs such as blood work not being good to where I could have surgery and then the set back of waking up from surgery only to realize they couldn’t do surgery because they couldn’t get me intubated.
That scares me now more than ever. I’ve woken up one time thinking I had had surgery, only to find out that I couldn’t. But now every time I go in for surgery I can’t have the normal anesthesia. I have to have the tube sent down my nose and the fact that I remember the entire process is even more scary.
I remember having to build myself up to have the procedure done that way and then to go through that and be conscious (when they told me I wouldn’t remember any of it). It’s been a year and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Now a year has passed and I because I remember that process so vividly, its scary. From the nurse holding my hand so that I wouldn’t be scared to them slowly giving me the medicine that was suppose to make me drowsy. Then being “out of it” but still conscious enough to see them sticking the tube down my nose and then stand off to the side discussing why they didn’t get a smaller size tube, at which point I could feel the tube and I motioned for them and told them I could still feel the tube down my throat (which I know freaked them out because they came over quickly readjusted the tube and then pumped me with more medicine and that was the last thing I remember before waking back up).
The more time passes the more time I have to remember these things and the more it makes me worry.