The delay with my surgery is hard enough because of the pain that I endure every day due to my hip and arthritis. But with every delay in surgery comes the delay in my plans for the future.
This is the very reason why I put off my “future” plans because I knew deep down that it would take longer than I expected for the surgery plans to pan out. The same thing happened with my spinal fusion surgery- and it was then at age 11 that I realized that making plans for the future wasn’t an option for me. That is why I never “dream of what I want for my future” because that plan ALWAYS gets interrupted by something else- and usually its medical reasons.
Now with this new delay- not only do I have the stress of waiting for the surgery and the continuous pain, but now I have to reevaluate my next few months.
My temporary plan was to have the hip surgery in August, go in September to meet with the shoulder doctor and get the ball rolling for that surgery and then have shoulder replacement in December or January. But now my plan looks as though I will have right hip replacement in mid- September (recovery time for that is 3 to 6 weeks putting me at end of October or beginning of November to go back to work) which means I cannot have my shoulder replaced in December and maybe not even January because I will still be recovering from hip replacement but I need to have the shoulder done by next May.
So what do I do in the meantime? I have to cut back at work again and for a few months won’t even be able to go to work. Where do I stand with my job? Just when I was starting to get excited and start thinking (or even dreaming) of my future it crumbles once again and now I am left wondering where I stand and not knowing the answer to that just knowing that, that is one thing I do not want to lose.
With all of this on my mind and trying not to think about it but needing to think about it means that I am left feeling like a zombie and not knowing how to handle it all.