My 2nd “would have been” surgery date

Tomorrow marks my 2nd “would have been” hip surgery date.

The first time they called to reschedule I was sitting in the courthouse waiting to get the papers to renew my drivers license.  Because of my eye surgery I had to wait on certain papers to be faxed from my eye doctors office to the courthouse- talking about the prescription change- a process that took over 2 hours.  So here I am sitting with my mom waiting on these papers and I finally get the call.  When they tell me how long it was delayed I broke down.  Then the papers finally come through so I had to dry my eyes and get myself looking to where I haven’t been crying for the past 20 or so minutes- and now every time I look at my drivers license picture that is what I will remember.

I finally get to the 2 weeks before mark of my surgery and that very same day they call me with yet another delay- a 2 week delay- or so they think.  All the while I am just trying to hold strong and make it through each day.  Cut my hours back at work and I am “trying” to not overdo myself at work.

But its difficult for me because I was raised to work hard.  I can’t slow down that’s not what I was taught and its a very difficult thing to attempt to do when that is not your work style at all- besides that work distracts me from everything else that is going on- and I desperately need that distraction.

I am writing tonight because I know tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day because it is the day that I was suppose to have surgery and because it was the day that I had gotten so close to that goal- before I got the call.  It will definitely be on my mind most of tomorrow- so I am hoping tomorrow goes by very fast and hoping my hip doesn’t act up and isn’t a constant reminder of what was suppose to have been tomorrow.

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