Finding Happiness

This is a post that will be hard for me to write but I’m suppose to share my story right? Well if I ever have hopes of publishing my book then I’m going to have to get use to admitting to some hard truths. So I guess I’ll start now.

For a long time I felt as though I was faking happiness. I was at a point where I was as happy as I was going to get but knew I wasn’t fulfilled in life.

I have dealt with depression many times over the course of my life. When I was younger and facing it I didn’t know that is what it was but now that I am older and have learned about it, I know I did in fact suffer from it. And yes I use the word suffer because looking back now I truly was suffering. The depression stemmed from all the things I dealt with growing up, but I thought “hey this must be normal because who else wouldn’t feel this much sadness after dealing with what I’ve been through.” For me the sadness was PERFECTLY NORMAL, which is ironic for me since NOTHING in my life seems to be normal.

I still have times in my life when I face the sad times but I try really hard to not get as low as I have been in the past.

The lowest point I have ever been was when I was in eighth grade. At that time I was preparing for a major surgery- my spine fusion. I was eleven years old and facing a life or death surgery. That year I hit my rock bottom, which how many eleven year old knows about a rock bottom? Well I did. I was at such a low point and I couldn’t tell anyone. I was scared, but felt like I had to hide my worries. I remember thinking “if I make it through this, I will never let myself get this low again” and I didn’t get that low again for many years. Yes I would face depression, but nothing like that year.

Sometimes life calls for a big change and this year was that change for me. I had to break the cycle because I was afraid if I didn’t, who knows where I might have ended up.

So I may not know what to expect in the future, but I am happy and that is all I need right now. The best medicine I’ve found is being surrounded by family and friends and by learning new things. By going on adventures and stepping outside of your comfort zone- something I am definitely not use to but I am learning.