Closing This Book

As we draw closer to the end of the year I can’t help but to think back to what a year it’s been.  I spent the entire year fighting to get a new shoulder.  That fight was something I struggled with all year long but I had no other choice.  At times it feels like I lost a year of my life because of that and in retrospect, I did.  In retrospect I’ve lost 5 years due to all these replacements.

I tried my best to also work towards goals I had wanted to achieve and even though I did achieve them it wasn’t as rewarding as it could have been because I had an underlying more serious issue I had to focus on.

All my life I’ve had to fight and be patient.  The 2 do not go hand in hand.  I was raised to fight no matter how hard it was, and most of the time it was hard.  Trying to mask all those feelings and trying to not let the stress of it all get to me, well let’s just say there were quite a few days that I couldn’t mask the pain and the struggle and the side of me that I swore no one would ever see finally came to the surface.

Its hard to continue and work and strive for that promotion when in the back of your mind all you can think about is “whether or not the doctors will call today.”  Living every day life becomes more and more difficult.

But now as I’m saying goodbye to this year and the past 5 years, I’m hoping this chapter is coming to a close.  Or better yet I’m hoping next year can be the start to a new book.  I’m hoping to end this book called “Monica’s Medical Journal” and maybe I can start the book called “Monica’s Life”.

At this time however I don’t have high hopes for that, but a girl can dream can’t she…

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