This surgery has been very surreal because after years of fighting to hang on, now I’m at the point of trying to find out if this is really the end of this chapter? I think a part of me believes it isn’t over yet and until I finally get that final say it’s going to be difficult to get through.
I keep having people ask me “am I glad it’s finally all over?” and I don’t know the answer to that. Are these replacements done? Yes they are. Am I on the road to recovery? Yup I sure am! But there’s still the underlying issue of my aging body, that is 75 years old and I can’t reverse time and fix all that.
About the time I’m suppose to be healed, I’ll be going back to doctors for medicine with the aging bones. When i had this surgery my bones were “ok” and even though that was great to hear for surgery, it didn’t give me that great feeling that “good I’m at the end of all of this”. I know this all isn’t as bad as it could be, but I guess in my mind when this all started happening, I had this idea of everything being “fixed” and that would be the end of it all.
I had high hopes of getting rid of doctors (at least for a few years) and getting back to a “normal” or at least “average” life.
Having lived a life of so many medical issues it’s hard to see the big picture sometimes, it’s more like a bunch of clustered pictures that you randomly sort through, hoping one day it all makes sense.
What do I dream about? I’ll start with going one year without doctors, then I hope to move up and gradually hope for years of being free from medical issues. That’s my new dream.